i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
