I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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