Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
