she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my being single is dangerous.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
