Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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