There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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