If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sorry about my life...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
