Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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