I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
