Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
