She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
