You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
