Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
