dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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