Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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