Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize