i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
