apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
