I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Holy shit dude........stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
