You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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