Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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