Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
