we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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