yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
