i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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