Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its not stalking. its research.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
