Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do herpes really smell.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
