he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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