he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize