1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
