Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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