Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
