Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
