What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
