I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
