The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
