Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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