He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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