laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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