the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
