My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
