Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
