I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize