i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
