Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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