And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
