At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
