He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
