wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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