I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pants are for mortals
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
