we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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