yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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