Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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