he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
