I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
