Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Semen is not good for contacts.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize