What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
