I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
