I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Damn victory sex feels great
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
