you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
