I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize