What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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