I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize