im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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