I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize