Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
