the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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