am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
