Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
two words...techno handjob
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we should paint friendship bongs
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