btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
