Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
