32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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