so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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