the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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