yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
