can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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