I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
