Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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