so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
