He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
only you would photoshop your dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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