i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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