Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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