I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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