I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
