just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As shirtless as possible
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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