FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
