I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
