I just saw a hot homeless man
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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