Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
