thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
