Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize