Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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