Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
