clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
