I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
