Screwed.edu
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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