i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize