Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
