You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
