Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
