I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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