You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
