The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
