At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
