It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
