oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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