Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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