so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
