dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
