Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize