I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
