You really coming over, don't trick.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
