Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
