Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
