I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
