That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
