i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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