But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Having a random hookup so left but love u
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
