This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
