We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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