She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
